


My Dad Didn't Die: He Left

by anishahello



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Crying, Daddy Issues, Dark Son Gohan, Depression, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Other, Post-Cell Games Saga, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24618130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anishahello/pseuds/anishahello
Summary: Tags I couldn't include on mobile: not that good dad Goku, Chi-Chi is a Good Parent,Gohan steadily realised that his dad didn't die after the Cell Games, he chose to not come back and is steadily trying to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and how he'll protect the planet and not be compared to his father.
Kudos: 4





	My Dad Didn't Die: He Left

_ I thought I was going to be sad for longer, I mean my dad died. Sure, he's died before but this time he's not coming back. I don't get a dad anymore, and everyone's gonna expect me to be the second Goku. Earth's defender, smiles all the time and wears blue and orange. I almost want to still be sad, because at this point, I'm mad. My dad didn't die this time, he left. I don't know why everyone around me is crying like he died, he had a choice to come back to be my dad. But I guess he's never chosen to be my dad when there was another option on the table. If there was something else that he could do, he was gonna do it. I guess I was never worth his time, _

I stopped writing, not even finishing a page in my journal before getting too upset. Everything's been so rough after the Cell Games, and my mum got me a leather journal to jot my thoughts only after all my studies were done. "How are your studies," I hadn't realised I spaced out until I didn't sense my mum walking to my door, and I turned as she noticed my journal open. "You're using the journal I got you." The atmosphere in the room got a little more tense, because conversations with my mum are usually about not training anymore and keeping my studying up. Nothing else. "I am, it's good for clearing my head. Studies are all done though." It was almost instinct to assure my mum that I had all my work done, not knowing there to be anything else that matters more to my mum. Right before the air started growing stale, my mum asked a question I never expected her to as she took a seat on my bed. 

"Did you ever really wanna be a scholar, or fight when your father or his friends told you to?" It took me a while to actually turn around to look at her, the question was something that I never even considered to ask myself. I liked learning when I was young because it meant I was spending time with my mum, and I only fought because if I didn't people would die. I guess I never really had a choice on what I was doing, did I. "I never wanted to disappoint or lose the people closest to me." That was my only answer I could muster without thinking too deeply about her question. My mum's face dropped at my response, and she suddenly looked a lot more tired than before.  _ "This couldn't have been a more worse time for your father to leave,"  _ My mum looked both really mad and sad, whispering as if she wasn't fully confident in saying it out loud. 

"That's the kind of person dad is, he doesn't stick around for times of peace unless he wants to or he's hungry." I stopped myself before I got too deep bashing my late father, but I had a feeling I already went pretty far. My mum looked upset at my statement, but I had a feeling her anger and sorrow wasn't focused at me. "Your father wasn't a person who could be tied down, and I hoped that you would inspire him to stay, be more careful when he's fighting, but I guessed wrong." My mum paused, rubbed her eyes, and her expression suddenly grew serious. I straightened out my posture. "No one ever told me why you started fighting Cell, but understand if you're not comfortable talking about what happened at the Cell Games you don't have to tell me." A huge pit formed in my stomach as I remembered the first half of the Cell Games, and just why I was pinned against Cell in the first place. The intense pain, and hearing Piccolo yell at my father. I blinked the memories away, and decided out of anyone to know this, my mum deserves to know. "Dad told me to. Tapped out of the fight early, said it was my turn. Handed me over to Cell." Admitting it made me feel cold. Her shock was evident, and I felt a lump in my throat as I watched my mother struggle not to cry.  _ Though I could sense she was also really angry, but was just a little more saddened by the news than furious.  _

"I always wanted to believe your father was a bit too power hungry, but didn't mind it because of how kind he was. Because me or not, but I knew that you were going to be really strong, not even because of who your father is. I knew because when you were really small, you would break the toys I bought you. Not on purpose, but you held them too tight, it was then I knew you had to be a scholar. I knew how early Goku started fighting," I felt my eyes tear up and quickly wiped them away when my mum started crying. "I didn't want that for you. I wanted to shelter you, and I just didn't want to lose my son early. I guess my husband didn't share the same sentiment as me." I couldn't stop myself from getting up to hug my mum, and in that moment as we held each other and cried I had two realizations.  **My dad wasn't the person I made him out to be in my mind.** It took him dying again and leaving for me to notice this. The only reason everyone besides Vegeta won't dare slander my dad's name with things that might be true is because he was a people person. My dad also spent time with his friends more than he did with his family when my mum didn't force him to stay at home. The second realization that I had was how quickly and comfortably everyone around me assumed that I was their last home when my dad wasn't around or when he said so. 

People assume my identity is always tied with my father, and I think I want to change that soon. Sure, it's varying depending on who you talk to and how much they'll compare me to my dad but, anyone who's known me and my dad will make the comparison. Whether they mean the comparison to demean me or not, it's everyone's default. As we both ate dinner and went to bed emotionally drained, I was trying to figure out just what kind of person I want to be known as. My father chose not to be around, I don't know why there are people who want me to be his replacement so badly, or want to lean on me like they did my father. Like there isn't something else I want to do with my life, but at the same time when Earth is in danger I'm going to do something. Saving the Earth is much bigger than being the person they want me to be, it's saving people who have nothing to do with it, it's making sure my mother can live to see another day. When I go out there and stop someone trying to destroy the planet or blow up a universe, it's not to try and be like my dad. It's to save people's lives. I don't see why I have to allow myself to be constantly compared to my dad when Vegeta constantly reminds everyone around him that he's the Prince of all Sayians. If I want to have an identity separate from my father, I need to actually start speaking up for myself. 

I also need to figure out what I want to do with my life, since while I might not make my entire life be devoted to my studies, I do want to get some sort of education. What I'll do when I'm getting my education is the real question. At the same time, how am I going to afford an education? True there's the Ox King, but lately he hasn't been giving us much financial help so mum had to get a job. I don't think we could afford food, the rent, and my student loans especially if I go to school in Satan City, so I might have to get a job. All of those thoughts were buzzing in my head as I finally went to sleep.

  
  


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Sleep came to me eventually, and even though I got through a night without a nightmare, waking up groggy is never a good feeling. Still, I know that today is going to have to be full of me making decisions of what kind of person I'm going to be. If I want to prove to everyone that I'm not just Goku's son, I need to have an explanation of what kind of person I actually am.  _ Something that I don't really know yet.  _ I went through my morning routine in a haze, only snapping out of it when I was doing the dishes. "Your father never touched a single dish when it was in the sink." She sounded tired but proud, and I sighed as I remembered all the times my dad just had dinner and went to go and do something else. He almost treated the house like a restaurant, eating his food and leaving to either sleep or keep training. "I guess I'm gonna be different than dad. I still want to protect the Earth from people threatening to blow it up," I knew I had to get the point soon with how tense my mum got at that. "But I still want to get an education, even though I'll have to be realistic when it comes to getting an education." My mum got even more tense, and it showed she knew where I was going.

After I finished my last dish, putting it on a drying rack, I turned to her, "I might have to get a job first if I want to pay for an education. Plus, I want to help out around here. Help you with the bills," I paused when my mum lightly put a hand on my shoulder, looking a lot more tired than before. "You haven't even turned ten yet Gohan, your father should be here getting the job so we can pay for your education but, he isn't." She paused, taking her hand off my shoulder as she crossed her arms, sighing. "If you really want to do this, go down this road, then know I am supporting you every step of the way Gohan. But please understand one thing." My mother grew serious, and I had a feeling this was going to be somewhat related to my dad. "Things are going to get extremely difficult for you, because you aren't like many people, your age or older. I want to make sure that you know that your strength isn't a bad thing, but don't let it become who you are. Your father neglected us to try and get stronger, and I don't want to lose you too." I nod, "I don't wanna turn into the person dad did. I'm gonna show everyone I'm not just Goku's son," before I could continue my sentence my mum spoke.

"Who do you want to be instead?" The question I've asked myself last night, and I still haven't come up with an answer. I opened my mouth to answer a couple times, but closed it since nothing was coming out. I couldn't quite think of an answer. The question seems simple, but I really don't know who I want to be. What career I could even get as a nine year old, and what kind of education I could get at my age with my education level. Before my mum could speak, I said the first thing on my mind. "I want to help people, but I don't want to be flashy like dad was. I don't know how I could save people in the shadows and get paid for it yet." I hadn't realised that was what I wanted to do before I said it, but now that I said it aloud, I realise it's what I want to do. My mum softly laughs, "Your father was just too much of a people person to do things quietly. It's how he made half of his friends, being himself. You on the other hand," my mum's smile fades and she now looks really sad again.  _ She hasn't been smiling ever since dad left, and when she does it's not for long.  _ "I guess this is also my fault, but you never got to know kids your age. Neither me or your father saw it as a priority, and now everyone you know is either younger than you or an adult." 

When my mum mentioned it, I realised that wasn't something that ever crossed my mind. And when it did, I never dwelled on it long enough to warrant wanting to meet someone my age. Whenever I did meet someone my age, it was fleeting and I always had to not stay in touch because I had to train to save the world. I guess I can't want something if I've never really thought about it. "There was always something else I had to do, some imminent threat coming to the Earth. I just didn't have the time to think about that. Everyone around me was just expecting to be serious about training so I can protect the planet, having the most potential for being the strongest of them all. That mindset caused my dad to stop fighting Cell to make me do it, because I was always the one with the most potential." I didn't talk about the fact that I didn't ever get many friends my age much, so it might not actually matter to me. My mum did look a little troubled by my answer, but at the same time the fact that my dad stopped fighting Cell to make me do it is still new information for her. "The things your father did behind my back," she sighs, "I guess there's no time to think about all that he's done. Now, let's sit at the table as we can try and figure out what job you can get." It was clear from my mum's expression that she wasn't crazy about the idea of me getting a job but she was gonna still support my wish anyways.


End file.
